Unplugging for Awhile (No Social Media for One Year)

Is it just me?, life, This is Why I Don't Have Friends

Social Media has upsides, but it also has consequences that aren’t so positive. I think the negative hits some people harder than others. I’m one of those that needs a break from the constant checking and wasted time looking at the fabricated lives of others. Okay for some people, not okay for me.

Back in December I decided I’d take a break from social media for the entire year of 2019. Honestly, it hasn’t been difficult. It’s actually pretty nice. Nearing the end of April, I’ve almost had four months free of social media.

I take pictures for my own enjoyment versus taking them with intention to post for others to see. Have you ever heard the saying, “Enjoy it, don’t record it”? I’ve found I live by that saying much more now that I’m not planning to upload photos online after the event.

I hear less about the terrible things going on in the world. A lack of news updates can be good and bad. Sometimes we all need to know what’s happening across the globe. But for the most part, the news channels and media only care about how many viewers they have, versus actually telling a story. And most of whatever is posted on Facebook is made up/false news anyway.

I don’t see anything about celebrities and the daily updates on their lives. Most of the people talked about, I don’t know who they are. So this might not be great for clubs discussing E!News, but it has been awesome for me.

I’ve spent more time reading and writing. It’s insane how much time can be wasted scrolling through social media updates. It’s eye opening. Now I spend more time reading material that is good for my mind. I have more time to write and express myself.

I’m glad I decided to take an extended break from the social media platforms. I think a break would do most people some good.

Try it out.

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Wildcat Bridge – Richland Chambers

Returning to Reality – Losing the Power of Choice

Is it just me?, life

I fear that going back to a normality is near. So now I must prepare to say goodbye to endless free time.

But my animosity and fear are not about free time, are they? God knows I have far too much of that free time. Too much time to sit and think about the end of times and the purpose of all life in the universe.

A routine would do me some good, no one will deny that truth. A regular schedule to keep me accountable and productive, while making money at the same time – what could be the downside?

The thoughts that scare me involve choice. Normality will take my choices away. No more freedom. No more waking up and deciding what to do today based on feelings and desire. 

If I want to stay in bed today or drive four hours to the coast, I can. I could even do a little bit of both. I don’t necessarily want to travel to see a wonder of the world today, but I could if the urge overtook me. I could, and that’s the point. I wouldn’t have to ask for time off, wait for approval from a boss, or hold onto my urges until the weekend comes. That’s what it means to be free, right? Waking up to whatever horizon I decide, in the moment?

Though freedom comes with free time. Time to…consider all things, all possibilities, all theories of the universe and the bubbles of other universes potentially surrounding it. I enjoyed it at first, but now…I think way too much about how I’ll never amount to anything worth writing about.

Knowing the benefits of working and having a set schedule again don’t make returning any easier. I’ll miss having a choice. Whether I take advantage of having a choice is my business, and it doesn’t matter. I want it, and I can’t stand the thought of letting it go.

Reality is soon to return, and my freedom of choice will be a concept of the past.

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Scar in the Field

Head in the Clouds

Is it just me?, life, Metaphors in Nature, This is Why I Don't Have Friends

Hours upon hours of fresh, local and international news plays constantly on television and radio everyday. Newspapers and magazines overload us with current affairs and celebrity life events. 

For many people, keeping up with the latest news across the globe is a daily duty. Watch some news channels with morning coffee, read the newspaper at lunch, pick up a magazine on the weekends – it’s normal and pretty much expected of all adults. 

And then there’s the people like me. The ones who are caught up in the irrelevant mysteries of the multiverse, the purpose of all life on the planet, and the new season of Doctor Who. The people who don’t have a clue what’s going on in the real world because there’s a multitude of science fiction left to discover before our final doom comes into play.

It’s important to know all species that exist in the Star Wars Extended Universe, all theories of space beyond the view of the most powerful telescope, and to finish every Halo novel that’s ever been published. 

‘Current affairs’ for people like us doesn’t include discussions on trade with China or tax reduction plans. No, for us, what needs to be discussed is the reunion of Captain Picard and the rest of The Next Generation Enterprise crew.

Shouldn’t I pay attention to what’s happening around me? Why? It’s not like I have the power to stop wars or elect political leaders myself. I can’t solve world hunger or fix the pollution crisis. Better people than me have tried. So I prefer to keep my head in the clouds. Life is too short to stress about things I could never hope to help. I dream of space travel and hanging out with alien species across galactic barriers, venturing below the surface of the ocean and discovering Atlantis.

What’s really going on? Who really ever knows the truth.

I’ll keep my head in the clouds. It’s where I belong.

white cumulus clouds

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

This is Why We Write

Is it just me?, life, Poems

And so we write…because at a young age, we were told that our problems existed only in our heads. Our issues weren’t something to be discussed out loud. Other kids didn’t have problems, so the fact that we did have an imperfect mind was taboo, something to be ashamed of.

And so we write…because we felt alone. After all this time, we still feel alone. It was never safe to say what was on our brains. So now we are trained to push our feelings away. Pretend those negative thoughts and feelings don’t exist, put on a smile, and show up as if the world inside our heads is sunny and clear.

And so we write…because there’s something wrong with us. We could never be what they wanted or expected us to be. We needed an outlet, otherwise we would have exploded into a massive bomb of tears and feelings. Everyone would have known…and we can’t have others knowing how imperfect our minds are.

And so we write…because we aren’t normal. They see sun, we see pain. They hear music, we hear thoughts of sorrow. They play and laugh, we sit in silence. They always said, “Why can’t you be normal? Why can’t you just be happy, like all the other kids?” Trust me, if I had answers I would have changed twenty years ago. But answers don’t exist. So I write.

And so we write…to hide the darkness that others are so ashamed of. A safe place on paper that the outside world never gave us. A place of freedom, where we don’t have to hide or push away the words of doom. On those blank lines we are free to spill every nasty, dark, gloomy, taboo thought. No one will ever see. No one will ever say, “Stop.”

And so we write…for the child who was never free. We write to be free.

person holding blue ballpoint pen writing in notebook

Photo by picjumbo.com on Pexels.com

This is Why I am Writing – Please Respond

Is it just me?, life

I write for self and sanity. I journal each day, religiously, with a pen and paper. It’s private, and no other soul will ever be allowed to touch my pages as long as I am living. 

So why the sudden platform? Why did I create a blog and start throwing out daily thoughts for the public to read?

Being alone is not always ideal. I’ve been alone most of my life in a journey of a vicious cycle, recovery, and depression. From time to time, it’s nice to hear that someone else is struggling with the same issues I am. It’s a warm feeling to know that others exist out in the world who have fought similar battles. 

I would never wish suffering upon others just to feel I have companions, but I know that I’m not the only person on earth with problems. It’s comforting to find people who know what it’s like to battle for our own souls. To work endlessly to end a disorder that’s been lingering for years. 

That’s why I’m writing. If there’s anyone out there who feels the same way I do, I want to meet and connect. I want to talk and have conversations and feel that I’ve found a friend for these journeys of life. 

We are not alone. I am not alone. You are not alone. We live in this modern society of connecting across country lines and beyond the normal boundaries, thanks to the internet and social media. We no longer have to feel that we are the only person battling these disparities.

I am writing to reach out. I want to hear stories from others – whether happy or grim. I want to hear, I want to read, I want to connect.

Please – if there’s anyone out there willing to talk and share, I’m all ears.

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This is a Safe Place to Speak

Life is a Chance to Make My Own Movie

life

A couple of weeks ago I saw a particular superhero movie at the theater. It was amazing. I enjoyed it so much that I went back to see it again a week later.

This movie became instantly special to me because it awakened a childhood dream of mine to become a pilot in the U.S. Air Force. I wanted to be the the main character because for much of my life, I thought I’d end up being very similar to this person (I’m referring to the whole USAF pilot thing, not the superhero thing, although I wouldn’t reject that opportunity if it became available).

Following the second viewing of the movie, I began executing a plan to jumpstart this old dream. I was excited. I was thrilled. This was finally going to happen and I was about to become what I’d always wanted to be.

However, a couple of days later I was reminded why, at 25 years old, I’d never further pursued this dream of my younger self. For various reasons, the military hasn’t been a likely option for me (not impossible, but not likely). Realizing this truth, this reality, I was crushed. My heart went from ecstatic down to misery in a matter of two days. That’s never a fun experience.

Giving up a childhood dream is difficult, but the real reason I was so upset had more to do with the fact that my life would never be a Marvel movie. Sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it? I’ll never have a life of flying into space, running from aliens and joining a team of superhumans. Knowing the true reasons for my disappointment helped a little in starting the process of moving on. Did I really even want what I was so sad to lose?

I proceeded to watch another movie, one with the same actress from the superhero film. I saw this person in a new light – an extremely different, darker light. And it hit me during this depressing film, that there are millions of movies on the market. Each one is unique and inspiriting in its own way.

That’s what we are, as humans – we’re all our own movie. And the cool thing is, we can choose which direction to take it. Maybe I’ll never be a military pilot, and maybe I’ll never save the earth from blue-skinned people with a secret agent as my sidekick, but that’s okay. I’ll figure out my own script that works for me. I don’t want it to mirror anyone else’s storyline, not even the amazing life of Captain Marvel. Real or fiction, this is my life and I’ll figure it out.

Line by line. Page by page. Scene by scene. Movie by movie.

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