We Choose to Be Alone

Is it just me?, life, Poems, This is Why I Don't Have Friends

There’s safety in numbers, but comfort in being alone. Let us walk down the darkest alleys one by one, facing the shadows with no one to stand at our side. It doesn’t scare us because our entire lives have been filled with fighting demons without friends, without support or sanity. 

Alone is comfortable. Alone is safe. Alone is free of commitment. 

“You shouldn’t spend so much time alone.” Well, what do they know? They’ve never battled hounds of hell with their hands alone. No advice to follow, no pride to swallow. They had an army, we had the lonely souls hidden under our skin. Someone was always there to hold their hands, provide a shoulder to cry on, and an open heart. to share the pain. 

Of course, we wanted this at first. We wondered how much more tolerable our internal wars would have been with friends and teammates – even with just one friend, one teammate, one single set of eyes to tear up with in the darkest moments. Somewhere along the line, we stopped yearning for help. We accepted our fate to always be alone and embraced it. Would cried, we grieved, and then we picked ourselves up from the stone cold floor. We stood taller, stronger, smarter. All the more wise for our transgressions.

Never blame us for wanting to be alone, fight alone, and live entirely without contact with others. We were trained to face our fate. Conditioned to the cold silence of wondering through a vicious war with little life in our lungs. This is what they made us. This is who they told us we would always be. We survived and grew up in adversity.

We want to be alone. We feel safest when we peacefully pace around through an empty parade of stares and silence.

Don’t feel sorry for us. We choose to be alone.

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Photo by Lukas Rychvalsky on Pexels.com

This is Why I am Writing – Please Respond

Is it just me?, life

I write for self and sanity. I journal each day, religiously, with a pen and paper. It’s private, and no other soul will ever be allowed to touch my pages as long as I am living. 

So why the sudden platform? Why did I create a blog and start throwing out daily thoughts for the public to read?

Being alone is not always ideal. I’ve been alone most of my life in a journey of a vicious cycle, recovery, and depression. From time to time, it’s nice to hear that someone else is struggling with the same issues I am. It’s a warm feeling to know that others exist out in the world who have fought similar battles. 

I would never wish suffering upon others just to feel I have companions, but I know that I’m not the only person on earth with problems. It’s comforting to find people who know what it’s like to battle for our own souls. To work endlessly to end a disorder that’s been lingering for years. 

That’s why I’m writing. If there’s anyone out there who feels the same way I do, I want to meet and connect. I want to talk and have conversations and feel that I’ve found a friend for these journeys of life. 

We are not alone. I am not alone. You are not alone. We live in this modern society of connecting across country lines and beyond the normal boundaries, thanks to the internet and social media. We no longer have to feel that we are the only person battling these disparities.

I am writing to reach out. I want to hear stories from others – whether happy or grim. I want to hear, I want to read, I want to connect.

Please – if there’s anyone out there willing to talk and share, I’m all ears.

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This is a Safe Place to Speak