There’s safety in numbers, but comfort in being alone. Let us walk down the darkest alleys one by one, facing the shadows with no one to stand at our side. It doesn’t scare us because our entire lives have been filled with fighting demons without friends, without support or sanity.
Alone is comfortable. Alone is safe. Alone is free of commitment.
“You shouldn’t spend so much time alone.” Well, what do they know? They’ve never battled hounds of hell with their hands alone. No advice to follow, no pride to swallow. They had an army, we had the lonely souls hidden under our skin. Someone was always there to hold their hands, provide a shoulder to cry on, and an open heart. to share the pain.
Of course, we wanted this at first. We wondered how much more tolerable our internal wars would have been with friends and teammates – even with just one friend, one teammate, one single set of eyes to tear up with in the darkest moments. Somewhere along the line, we stopped yearning for help. We accepted our fate to always be alone and embraced it. Would cried, we grieved, and then we picked ourselves up from the stone cold floor. We stood taller, stronger, smarter. All the more wise for our transgressions.
Never blame us for wanting to be alone, fight alone, and live entirely without contact with others. We were trained to face our fate. Conditioned to the cold silence of wondering through a vicious war with little life in our lungs. This is what they made us. This is who they told us we would always be. We survived and grew up in adversity.
We want to be alone. We feel safest when we peacefully pace around through an empty parade of stares and silence.
Don’t feel sorry for us. We choose to be alone.