Returning to Reality – Losing the Power of Choice

Is it just me?, life

I fear that going back to a normality is near. So now I must prepare to say goodbye to endless free time.

But my animosity and fear are not about free time, are they? God knows I have far too much of that free time. Too much time to sit and think about the end of times and the purpose of all life in the universe.

A routine would do me some good, no one will deny that truth. A regular schedule to keep me accountable and productive, while making money at the same time – what could be the downside?

The thoughts that scare me involve choice. Normality will take my choices away. No more freedom. No more waking up and deciding what to do today based on feelings and desire. 

If I want to stay in bed today or drive four hours to the coast, I can. I could even do a little bit of both. I don’t necessarily want to travel to see a wonder of the world today, but I could if the urge overtook me. I could, and that’s the point. I wouldn’t have to ask for time off, wait for approval from a boss, or hold onto my urges until the weekend comes. That’s what it means to be free, right? Waking up to whatever horizon I decide, in the moment?

Though freedom comes with free time. Time to…consider all things, all possibilities, all theories of the universe and the bubbles of other universes potentially surrounding it. I enjoyed it at first, but now…I think way too much about how I’ll never amount to anything worth writing about.

Knowing the benefits of working and having a set schedule again don’t make returning any easier. I’ll miss having a choice. Whether I take advantage of having a choice is my business, and it doesn’t matter. I want it, and I can’t stand the thought of letting it go.

Reality is soon to return, and my freedom of choice will be a concept of the past.


Scar in the Field

To Be Like A Child

Is it just me?, life

To be like a child and forget all the mundane matters of the world. That would be the perfect wish.

To run around carefree, laughing and skipping along every inch of an unplanned path. To never hold grudges or keep score, to see the earth as a place to explore. To have no concept of time, to read beyond the lines. Future is just a word, the past is long behind.

We were all once this free, before surrendering to society. A path of greed and gluttony, vicious cycles and disease. Go back to ages 2 or 3, when Love was all we’d need, a bit of food, a little sleep. Happy as can be.

Contentment…where does it go? It fades away as we grow old. We start to want more, unnecessary things to keep up and compare with others. We learn to be selfish and unkind, forgetting what it was like to be a child, twirling around in the wind, never thinking about tomorrow.

Now, we never think about today. Today is nearly over, so we think about the next. We die during the week and only wake for the weekend. We are far from free. Freedom is a concept long lost to the adult as views of children become disdainful.

“Look at those children, so careless and happy. One day they will learn that such feelings are inadequate and useless.” That’s what adults say. We’ve lost touch with what truly matters in life.

To be like a child…that is the dream. To run around, free…no worries of what is yet to come. Making the most of each minute, seeing a friend in everyone and everything. We think as adults, we are smarter, we are the more intelligent of our race.

We’re not. It’s children we should learn from. They have found the most beautiful way to live.

To be like a child…that is the mission.

adventure backlit dawn dusk

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