Every Dream Is A Nightmare

Is it just me?, life

Dreams…a fascinating concept yet to be fully explained or deconstructed by science. They’re something we all experience but never understand. Dreams can be entertaining, confusing, nonsensical, forgotten, or completely horrifying. 

The good dreams…those are the ones I never want to wake up from. Those are the ones where I look down and see messages on my phone from that one person, the one I’ll miss until I die. The good dreams are when I’m practicing my fantasy career, on a perfect planet far from this earth, and flying through clouds of cotton beyond the surface of the sky.

I enjoy the good dreams. But because they’re only dreams, giving me a false taste of what I’ll never have in reality, I’d prefer for them to…stop. Stop messing with me. Stop teasing about amazing fictional lives and making me want to sleep forever. 

Nightmares…those are scary. Terrifying. And when you wake up, you’re relieved. Not sad about this boring reality. Not wishing and wanting more. But relieved. It’s an amazing feeling to go from being chased by a malicious demon to waking up to a cuddly kitten, in the matter of a few seconds. 

Give me nightmares. Let me run for my life with sweaty palms and a racing heart. Let me battle zombies and horrendous creatures so that I can wake up feeling accomplished and safe within my real, mundane world.

I’m done with the false dream perfection that I feel when I have wonderful night fantasies.

Dreams…What do they mean? Do they mean anything worth analyzing? Are they memories of previous lives like my Grandma claims? Or, premonitions? Are dreams messages and feelings from the mysterious unconscious brain? 

Whatever or whoever you are, dream world, whatever you’re trying to accomplish – please quit screwing with my brain. It’s already insane enough. 

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Vultures over Cedar Creek Lake

The Magic of “One Day…”

Is it just me?, life, stories

They are standing in the kitchen discussing the new house they’ll build in a few years, “when the time is right.” Their excitement is feeding off each other’s enthusiasm. They each have a list of what they want in the new home. She wants a larger kitchen. He wants a barn in the backyard and space for a garden. They both agree that a porch surrounding the entire home is a must. They have a notepad filled with sketches of floor plans to discuss and debate. 

The possibility of selling the current home and building a new one from the ground up gives them hope. They found a reason to push through the daily jobs they despise. Hope – whether false or not. It’s hope, and it helps their spirits to endure through arduous times. 

How many hopes and dreams are built off of a future endeavor? How often do we repeat the words, “I’ll be happy when….or if…this happens.” And, “until that comes, I’m holding out for better days.” Because better days have to exist, right? Otherwise, what are we all waiting for? Something more than what our lives consist of now must be making its journey here, as we speak. That’s why we suffer, isn’t it? To hopefully have a brighter future.

Will this dream house out in the country ever come to fruition? Will she get her kitchen, and he his barn? In truth, the outcome is irrelevant. Maybe this will happen, and maybe it won’t. That’s not important. What matters is they have hope and a reason to fight for their dreams. That notepad full of ideas – that’s where the source of their current happiness lies.

Hope for the amazing events to come is more powerful than the events themselves. Whether they come or not, they did their job. They gave us hope that one day, things could be better.

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County Road 2160

Life is a Chance to Make My Own Movie

life

A couple of weeks ago I saw a particular superhero movie at the theater. It was amazing. I enjoyed it so much that I went back to see it again a week later.

This movie became instantly special to me because it awakened a childhood dream of mine to become a pilot in the U.S. Air Force. I wanted to be the the main character because for much of my life, I thought I’d end up being very similar to this person (I’m referring to the whole USAF pilot thing, not the superhero thing, although I wouldn’t reject that opportunity if it became available).

Following the second viewing of the movie, I began executing a plan to jumpstart this old dream. I was excited. I was thrilled. This was finally going to happen and I was about to become what I’d always wanted to be.

However, a couple of days later I was reminded why, at 25 years old, I’d never further pursued this dream of my younger self. For various reasons, the military hasn’t been a likely option for me (not impossible, but not likely). Realizing this truth, this reality, I was crushed. My heart went from ecstatic down to misery in a matter of two days. That’s never a fun experience.

Giving up a childhood dream is difficult, but the real reason I was so upset had more to do with the fact that my life would never be a Marvel movie. Sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it? I’ll never have a life of flying into space, running from aliens and joining a team of superhumans. Knowing the true reasons for my disappointment helped a little in starting the process of moving on. Did I really even want what I was so sad to lose?

I proceeded to watch another movie, one with the same actress from the superhero film. I saw this person in a new light – an extremely different, darker light. And it hit me during this depressing film, that there are millions of movies on the market. Each one is unique and inspiriting in its own way.

That’s what we are, as humans – we’re all our own movie. And the cool thing is, we can choose which direction to take it. Maybe I’ll never be a military pilot, and maybe I’ll never save the earth from blue-skinned people with a secret agent as my sidekick, but that’s okay. I’ll figure out my own script that works for me. I don’t want it to mirror anyone else’s storyline, not even the amazing life of Captain Marvel. Real or fiction, this is my life and I’ll figure it out.

Line by line. Page by page. Scene by scene. Movie by movie.

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