Surviving Without You

life, Lyric of the Day (LOTD), Songs

“When I watched you walk away, well I never thought I’d say – I’m fine without you.” Without You by Hinder

I know I have no home on your heart. You do not have to pretend that I’m a person worthy of your time. So let’s not waste breath on false words and weak smiles. Life is too short to spend time with those who are insincere.

Don’t waste my time, and I won’t waste yours. No hard feelings, no hate, just honesty. We aren’t meant to cross paths beyond our past encounters, and I finally have accepted that truth. 

Time apart truly does change a biased heart. The vision becomes less blinded by need as separation becomes permanent. Faults arise to the surface where perfection was once mistaken, disdain replaces veneration, and I release you of all the emotional debt I once poured onto the plate of our friendship. 

You are free to leave, once and for all. You are welcome and advised to forget the memory of my small presence in your growing life, as I will begin to finally let go of the images of you I’ve held on to for so very long. 

Your heart was never mine to hold, and mine should have not been yours to own. The show is over, it’s time to move on. The script has been exposed and our friendship is false. 

My heart will have an empty hole where your image used to live. But better blank than blemished with your viral blackness of rejection. As it turned out, I might have needed you back then, but now I’m good. And without you, I’ll be just fine In fact, I’ll be better. I’ll be free and unburdened by owing my life to you.

“I didn’t wanna believe it then, but it all worked out in the end.” Without You by Hinder

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If I Had Never Been Broken

Is it just me?, life, stories

A letter arrives mysteriously in my mailbox, coated in a black envelope, sealed in blood red ink. 

Breaking the seal and pulling out the parchment reveals an enticing offer of redemption: the chance to start over. A fresh start, a clean slate, to go back in time and never be broken. To erase all the mistakes I’ve made that have kept me from being the best I can be.

To have never been broken. What would life be like? I could have my dream job, old friendships, a clean medical history. But none of that would ever make it worth it. Because if I’d never been broken I would have never met you.

Broken. Here’s the recap – A misfit child. At 15 I begin a viscous cycle. I lose a friend and choose my next direction poorly. I spiral, and leave the prestigious school. I end up at home, where I regroup and hope for a new beginning just an hour away. I fail, again. The cycle continues. Then I meet the catalyst, who pushes me towards recovery. I seek professional help where I end up in an dark office, talking about childhood and…everything else. I find meaning in my studies and intern. They hire me, and I stay awhile. Then a friend leaves, and I speak with another. We become friends, and I meet you at three months. At nine months, you’re my best friend. And you’re the most wonderful human ever to exist.

If a clean slate means never meeting you, then I take this letter and set it aflame. Thank the universe that I was so deeply broken, because after all that madness, I was lucky enough to be your friend. With you, despite my broken soul, I am my best. Whatever fate has brought me, I accept it with open arms. I have you, and you are all I need.

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One of the Greatest Humans Ever to Exist

Keep Quiet, Keep Dignity

Is it just me?, life

Having a quiet demeanor in a world of loud mouthed people is depicted as weak by society, but the truth is, it’s a superpower. Holding the tongue with dignity is not a weakness, it’s wise. Those who disagree cannot stop talking long enough to even read this sentence. 

Most people tend to be quick to yell and argue, to shut their ears and scream back before listening, and to make every passing statement into a political battle. 

When did everyone become so volatile? So quick to react and erupt into a mess of insults and debates? When did sitting back to listen and observe with open ears and an open mind become so rare?

Or was the world always this way?

Regardless of how the world was, is, or will be in the future, it takes courage to hold back words and just listen to what’s going on around us. To stop trying to prove a point all the time or constantly get the last word in a conversation takes major will power in this day and time. 

Be the bigger person – it’s a cliché thing to say, but it means a lot. Don’t waste any precious breath on an argument. All it does is spike your stress levels and leave you with cortisol infecting your bloodstream for hours after the event. It’s not worth it, unless it’s your personal mission to ruin your day.

Instead, save some time by walking away and staying silent. It will frustrate the other person while giving you more time to spend on things that make you happy. Every time you see an argument happening, whether in person or on the internet, just walk away and look at funny pictures on your phone, or learn to tune out the unnecessary debates.

Keep quiet, with dignity. Let the foolish continue to scream and miss out on the important things in life.

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Stay silent and watch the flowers blow in the wind. (Bluebonnets in Texas)

Life Doesn’t Have To Be Complicated

Is it just me?, life

Kindness keeps the world spinning. Compassion is necessary for the survival of our species. Compliments are free and simple. And it’s okay to give one to yourself from time to time.

You love someone? Make sure he/she knows it. Are you sorry about something? Swallow your pride and apologize. 

Unhappy? Change it. Sad? Find a funny picture to make yourself laugh. Tired of running? Stop and breathe. 

Life doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, life can be quite simple. We, as humans, are the reason life becomes so complex and twisted. We create disaster and drama. The universe isn’t out to get us, the entire world isn’t set up to make us fail, and not everything is preplanned or predestined. 

Shit happens and things can turn extremely sour and unfortunate. But goodness does exist on this planet. It’s not going to fall into our laps – we have to make the goodness happen. We have to push through the arduous days a make better things come.

Be honest, give compliments, show compassion, hug everyone you encounter, smile at strangers, laugh if it’s funny, cry if it’s sad, leave if you’re unhappy, and move on if it’s destroying you from the inside out. Help others when they’re in need, be selfless, be selfish, make decisions on the fly.

Life doesn’t have to be gray and dull, life doesn’t have to be confusing. Go with it, see where it takes you, give everything up and embrace the life you’ve been handed. Choose new paths. Take new routes. Create original works of art and scenery. Write a book of madness and experience everything there is to possibly encounter in this life.

Be a friend, be ridiculous, be weird and quirky, be wise and learn new information everyday.

Be yourself and go where life leads you. Not everything has to be so complicated. Keep it simple.

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Did Our Best (Poem 8 x 20)

Is it just me?, life, Metaphors in Nature, Poems

Smells like death

Rotting flesh

Nothing left 

Makeshift meds

Bloody mess

All regret 

Clean the wreck 

Make amends 

Start anew

Lose a few

Find the truth

Slice in two 

Waterloo

Flocks that flew

Back to you

In the tomb

Slow runner

Front gunner

Lackluster

Drug buster

Safe summer

Steel cutter

Flow flutter

Green gutter

Makes no sense

Deeper dense

Cleaner cleanse

Dependents

Feeling tense

Falling fence

Soul to rinse

Repentance 

Is it right?

Keep it tight

Start a fight

On this night

Toughest plight 

In hindsight 

You were mine

If I might

Is it wrong?

Sing a song

Play along 

Bang the gong

Don’t take long

Just be gone

Fling ping pong 

Search Hong Kong 

Make a choice

Then rejoice 

Making noise

Finding voice

Rainy moist

Skin so coarse

Racing horse

Frightful Force

Sky is here

Space is near

We have fear

Changing gears

Pouring tears

Losing years

Chasing deer

Life will steer 

Forget me

Set us free

Stop and see

Wipe it clean

Sights unseen

Halo three

I’m in need

Nightmare dream

Is this real? 

I can’t feel

It’s surreal

Voids to fill

They will kill

If we’re still

Moving meals

Rusty wheels 

Soul is hot

I am not

Here to rot

In this pot

Of the lost

On the cross

You forgot 

I can’t stop 

Make it rain

Show disdain

Burn in flames

Never stay

Go away

So ashamed

Fall from Grace

Face will fade 

What am I

In this life?

Who designed 

All this plight?

A disguise 

So outright

Melting eyes

In the sky

Who are we

With disease?

Cutting keen

Reverie

Can this be

All for keeps?

Play for treats

Or we leave

Peace on earth

Myths of dirt

Rip my shirt

Stop the birth

Gait or girth

Gift of myrrh

Hating her

Flesh and fur

Wars in stars

Beating hearts

Saving scars

Rip apart

Fly afar

Doors ajar

Gates to guard

Fight too hard

In this wake

We create

Signs of hate

No debate

Quickly fade

Leaves to rake

Souls forsake

Time to take

Get us home 

Save our souls

We’re alone

Off the road

Outlaw zone 

Broken phone

Losing hope 

Where to go? 

Fly it back

Now attack

Burn to black 

Trim and track

What we lack 

We distract

Make them laugh

They’ll all crack 

Let us rest

No more tests

Disrespect 

Fallen friends

Joking jests 

People pests

Ended less

Did our best 

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Moonlight Lake in Summertime

Is it just me?, life, Metaphors in Nature, Perimeter Paddle (CCL), Poems, stories

Driving over the lake at night, mid summertime. Warm air, without wind, perfect, just right. Wishing this moment of comfort and fun could last an eternity. If Heaven is real, it must be like this. 

There’s work tomorrow morning, a normal day ahead, but none of that matters when the moonlight reflects off the glassy black water. Houses are silent across the land, all boats are shutdown for the evening. It’s quiet. Absolute stillness. 

Parking at a boat ramp and walking to the end of the pier, I gaze out at all the lights across the vast body of calm water. All different kinds of people inhabit the large homes of stone and glass windows. But none of them matter in this moment. All I see are the lights as they create an image of stars across the moonlit horizon. I’m standing on a platform in another universe where people, other than myself, do not exist. I’m alone. Completely alone, standing on the edge of an unknown expanse far from civilization. 

Cars cross the bridge with great speed off to my left. They’d never notice a lone soul standing in the midnight moonlight. They’re only comets scraping the sky in my universe of silence.

The warmth of the night brings a indescribable comfort to my wretched heart. All the cold has melted away and left me cleansed. The water of the reservoir evaporates under the heat and enters my lungs with every breath. All the negativity of the world, every impure thought, and each scar all heal with the vapor of the black moon water.

In this moment, I am free. I am alone and at peace. My soul is pure, safe, and clean. Stars, moonlight, warm water, warm air, barefoot, unseen.

I am the lake and the lake is me. We are one. We are free.

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This is What We Can All Learn From Infants

Is it just me?, life

This tiny human of only eight months is crawling around, exploring. Everything is eye opening for her expanding brain. She observes, she absorbs, and she learns new information with every inspection. She is fascinating to watch and time spent within her presence is priceless. 

There is an important lesson to be learned from this baby. As she grows and advances in skill and cognition she actually has something invaluable to teach, something that we all lose as we turn into teenagers and later adults. 

This baby has – contentment. She’s fed, well rested, and safe. She wants nothing else. Basic human care is all she requires to be happy and content – not toys, not cash, not the most expensive clothing – only nourishment and love. And she’s free to explore the world around her. 

As we age in society, go through schooling, and start full time jobs, we steadily lose the contentment we had as infants. We’re told that success in this world is measured by price tags and bank statements. We’re told that lacking in the financial world equals failure and unhappiness. And we not only believe these statements, but we live by them as well. 

We believe lies like these because they’ve been ingrained into our skulls by the media for decades. We’re allowing others to choose our own definitions of happiness. 

We have much to learn from infants and young children. “Always wanting more” doesn’t have to be our life motto. Contentment is a mindset. As long as we have food to eat and a heart that beats, we should find ways to be more grateful about life in general. Misery is also a mindset. It’s something we choose for various reasons – maybe having a crummy car, an imperfect body, or a low GPA – these things wouldn’t bother a baby, not because a baby is unintelligent, but because infants haven’t been corrupted by the world yet.

Learn from children – it’s the simple things in life that keep us content, but we must first make the choice to be happy.